the lonely bonerz

i’m a huge fan of going to the  movies alone. especially in the summertime when there is a new action release practically every week because not all my friends will go see ANYTHING in the theater. last thursday i decided to go see the lovely bones because once again, i didn’t really know many others that wanted to see it. rotten tomatoes gave it a whopping 32% amongst the top critics. trust me, it lives up to every bit of that rating. it was a steaming pile of shit. i almost walked out.

i could go on for a while about each area in which this movie fails, but i really don’t want to bore you with details…. the movie bores enough on it’s own. i’ll go over each area of dissatisfaction briefly and just to let you know, i rated this one star on netflix. i wish zero stars was possible because there was absolutely nothing i liked about the lovely bones. spoiler alert!

1. the entire movie is narrated in the same annoying, whispy voice of the teenage girl that you hear in the trailer. 3 hours of it is highly taxing.

2. the trailer leads you to believe that the movie is a thriller. this movie is not a thriller at all. it’s about how this family is torn apart by the girl’s death. she ruins the one chance of bringing her killer to justice by inhabiting a classmate’s body in order to kiss her school crush. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO VOMIT.

3. the leap to the ‘inbetween world’ and the story taking place after the girl’s death are not pieced together well AT ALL. you rarely feel any emotion for the characters, despite the horrifying events that take place.

4. regarding the fantastical backdrop, kyle smith of the new york post says it best:

Color me relieved. There is no need to fear death, even the most horrifying kind of murder. Because the afterlife is exactly like the album cover for a 1970s progressive-rock band.

-claire